TCOT Lost Love: Laura Robertson - In her own words
by Autumn Rose 18
Summary: TCOT Lost Love told from Laura Robertson's point of view - what she thinks of Perry, Della and the case itself. Caution - some bitterness and sarcasm ahead!


**Author's note:** _Thank you again for all of the wonderful reviews for the Perry and Della 'point of view' stories – you have all been very kind._

 _Here it is – the last part of the series for TCOT Lost Love: Laura's take on the case and everyone connected with it...!_

 _It was fun writing as the villain for a while, especially how she sees Della, and what she thinks of her current predicament...! Hope you enjoy_

 **Laura Robertson's point of view...**

What a waste!

Everything I've worked for, all these years – everything I've been through – and it all goes up in flames thanks to Luke Dixon and my so-called esteemed partner Elliott!

Did they have any idea what I went through? For years I've battled to make a career in a male-dominated profession and although Elliott Moore thinks I didn't earn my partnership, I know for a certainty that I've earned it since! I'm also under no illusions that if I had been a man, I would have been given that partnership on merit anyway. Women have always had to work harder and longer than the men just to prove themselves. It's hypocritical but it's the game you have to play – and so I played it.

If that wasn't hard enough, the crippling reality of depression could have overwhelmed me. The problem with depression is that until it is diagnosed, you don't know what's happening to you or why. What right did I have to be depressed? I was successful, had more money than I could have imagined when I first started out, a fabulous home and a devoted and wonderfully supportive husband. So why wasn't I happy? Why was I in tears and feeling like my world was crashing down around me – wondering what was wrong with me, and whether I was going crazy?

I felt a small amount of relief at the diagnosis of 'depression' because at least whatever was wrong with me had a name – and a treatment. Hah! Some treatment! Electro-convulsive therapy was no walk in the park. It was a hard struggle but I was determined to overcome this and Glen and my close friends were so supportive. I was then equally determined to put that whole experience behind me and push my career forward.

It's strange when you realise that so much of that time was a lie. I was grateful to Emmett then for curing me – and then felt sick when Perry made him confess in court that it had all been unnecessary. How could he inflict that on me? This wasn't a case of prescribing some pills or medicine – ECT was horrendous both physically and emotionally. He wanted to keep me close to him – but why? Did he seriously think there was anything between us? He betrayed me in the worst way! I feel sick and angry at the very thought of him.

But yes, I had taken on the male legal profession and won, I'd batted depression and its cure and won, and now it looked as though my latest ambition was also coming to fruition. I'd been promised the senatorial candidacy and all political opinion was that I would comfortably win the election itself.

Nothing could possibly go wrong. And then Luke Dixon! Luke Dixon and that treacherous swine Elliott! Why? Why did it have to happen now? My health was private and would have no bearing on my ability to be a Senator but I'm smart enough to know exactly how it would play in the Press – I'd be labelled 'unstable' and that would give men all the excuse they needed to make their chauvinistic comments about women being 'unfit' or 'too hysterical' to take political office.

No-one threatens me! At least they don't do it twice. I didn't know who he was then, or who had hired him, but there was no way i was just going to allow some small, insignificant, nothing of a man destroy everything for me. Absolutely not.

Confronting him was a disaster though– my worst lapse of judgement. When he was lying there at my feet, there was a moment of shock that this had actually happened. This isn't what I'd planned but I'd killed a man. He was dead. I felt sick but I couldn't cry. I couldn't shed tears for him. All I could do was remove any trace of me so that there was no connection between his death in a seedy motel, and the next Senatorial candidate. I just had to act as though nothing had happened.

I put on the performance of my life that night before and after the incident. The only thing that actually stopped me in my tracks was Perry. It was truly wonderful to see him again after all these years. He always was a force of personality and even with the beard he now wears, it didn't detract from his handsome face and winning smile. I hadn't actually thought of him in years but in that minute, it was as though the years had flown away and it was thirty years ago and he reminded me of a time in my life that I look back on fondly, A time when we were happy.

As we sat and I remembered how close we used to be, it crossed my mind briefly that I could forget about seeing Luke Dixon, and maybe ask Perry's advice - but I dismissed it. I thought I knew best...My ego again...

I believe in fate and how fortune can be on your side, and so I thought that it was fate that brought Perry and I together that night. When things went wrong that night and I needed him, I knew Perry would take my case – I mean Glen's case. Who else could I have turned to? He's the best criminal attorney I know – and he was right there – and to be plain, we shared some very happy memories.

I saw the way he looked at me earlier in the evening, and there was a softness and gentleness there that reminded me again of why I loved him all those years ago – how easily he could make you fall in love with him. I think he still had some feelings for me after all these years, and I'll admit it was flattering to know that your first love hasn't forgotten you...

I needed the best attorney for Glen, but I had to protect myself too, as much as possible. I'll admit there was an advantage in knowing that Perry would never suspect me. Did I use him? Perhaps a little...but not completely

And I was successful. Up to a point.

My feelings for Perry were not as clear-cut as I'd hoped. I needed to keep Perry on the case in spite of Glen's hostility. I had the urge to kiss him that night – partly because it felt so natural to kiss him goodnight, partly because I wanted to rekindle that memory of our past, and partly because I wanted to 'test' him and his feelings for me. Was he comfortable being close to me again? I shouldn't have needed to test him – after all, he had left his hotel suite at a moment's notice for me. Not for Glen – but for me. For that I am flattered and grateful, despite all that happened later

About that hotel suite...When I went there that night I was in a blind panic but afterwards something was niggling at the back of my mind and I couldn't think what it was. I was too busy with other concerns but it came back to me a day or two later when I was due to meet him there. As I approached the door I remember what he had called out that night when I knocked.

" _It's not locked Della"_

That was it. Della Street. Now why would he be expecting Della in his suite after midnight! It's a juicy bit of gossip you could sell to a magazine if you were of a mind to, but it really set me thinking, as he didn't look disappointed when his expected visitor turned out to be me instead of Della. Just what was going on there? A question that's been pondered over by many people over the years.

I can't say that I know Della Street well but I do know her. Everyone who knows Perry knows Della because she was a constant presence in his office when he was in LA. She went everywhere with him – to court, naturally, and legal functions, but they were frequently seen together at social events too. There was always a question about them – was she more than his confidential secretary or not. Someone I knew joked that she wasn't just his Girl Friday, but also his Girl Saturday and every other day or night of the week as they were sure that they were sleeping together. Others weren't as convinced because as lawyers always do, they were looking for evidence to prove the case. Most of the evidence was inconclusive, but the co-incidence of Della's own trial and Perry's resignation from the Appellate court gave more weight to the theory that there had been some affair between them.

It wouldn't surprise me if she had been prepared to sleep with him all those years ago – maybe as part of a long term plan. He worked long hours on cases – and so she would be expected to do the same – and by simple logic, if he had little time for socialising and dating, he would take opportunities that were offered to him on a plate. And I just bet Della was willing and eager to please in those days. It's not as though she got a chance to date either, and there were worse prospects that a rich, attractive, successful lawyer who already admires your office-hours talents. It wouldn't be too difficult to display your other 'talents' after hours...!

Does that sound catty? Hmm. Perhaps, but I did think there was something between them – after all, why else would they spend so much time together? They can't have been 'all work and no play' – I can guarantee that Perry doesn't live like that!

Again – fate intervened because just as these thoughts were going through my head, the eminent Miss Street herself answered the door, explaining Perry was on his way. I could tell she was nervous around me – there was a tension there but I decided to put this time to good use and to be naughty. I would see if I could get information from the cool, calm and collected Della Street – she who gives nothing away – except possibly her virtue!

I'll be fair. Della always was very attractive, with her fair share of admirers over the years – I know this from men who speculated as to whether 'Miss' Street was really single or spoken for. She is still attractive but there's something about her right now that I can't help be critical of – but I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe its that her clothes make her look too old, or plain. I don't know. I suppose she dresses for work though and doesn't need to 'dress up' – although I could tell she was looking at my fur coat. Its always interesting meeting your rival again. That's not strictly true of course – the rumours about them started after Perry and I had parted, but if she has been his eager lover, I wonder if she saw me as her rival...Maybe I was. Maybe...

I'm sure she didn't have a high opinion of me, and I resented her words of pity, so I decided to turn the tables. I choose my words carefully, and when I asked her if she was still steadfast and loyal as always, I saw a flicker of an expression on her face that she tried to hide . But then I decided to push a little harder by asking as innocently as possible "Ever marry?" That got her attention, and bless her, she tried her best not to react but I could tell that this was clearly a sore spot for her. So was that a clue? Did it mean she wanted to be married and is disappointed that Perry won't marry her? Leaning forward, fully seeing her discomfort, I quickly asked her about their relationship "so what about you and Perry?"

I've never cursed Perry's timing so much in my life as I did at that moment. Della was so flustered at being asked, she was actually going to confirm or deny the rumours until he burst through the door and the moment was gone. The only compensation was the amusement he unwittingly provided when Della tried to leave the room like a scalded cat, and he didn't understand her excuses to leave and made her look so embarrassed. I tried my best not to smile but it was hard at her sheer discomfort!

I bet she was going to confirm that gossip. I also bet that she has tagged along with Perry all these years hoping or expecting to exchange her typewriter for a gold ring – and yet he still won't marry her. Either the relationship is over, or he doesn't see the need for marriage if he gets all the benefits for free right now.

At least it also provided me a little relief from the worries over Glen's case.

Being close with Perry was like walking a tightrope – I knew I was using him a little to help Glen, but I also genuinely enjoyed our closeness and this could prove dangerous – especially to me. It was like old times again and if I hadn't been married to Glen, I don't know if I would have stopped myself revisiting our past. It was so tempting. I couldn't and wouldn't do that to Glen; I do love him and I'm sure he knows that.

An unexpected outcome of Perry's tireless work was that he exposed the duplicitous conduct of my doctor and Elliott. They were so close to me and Glen – how could they? It made me so furious that they sat and drank and attended parties with us and yet one has subjected me to ECT treatment to 'cure' me, and the other had hired Luke Dixon to start the blackmail. It was all his fault – everything that happened was because of him. He started this and now everything has unravelled. And all because of a partnership I was given decades ago. It's pathetic!

To think I would be brought down by that man's jealousy and petty resentment.

I will survive this. I'll make sure I do!

Everything I had wanted to hide is now public knowledge now, but at least I managed some damage control on the witness stand. Admission was necessary – as was remorse. I at least had the presence of mind to anticipate the strongest charges my detractors would throw at me in a day or two – in any case, they were true and had been tormenting me for weeks. At least admitting my weakness and ambition would take the wind out of their sails – they can't accuse me of something I've already addressed. There is a still a very good chance that I will be acquitted – thanks to Perry clearly describing the death as accidental – and I may keep some public support, and Glen's

How do I feel about Perry now? Glen hates him because he made me confess on the stand, but Glen hated him anyway. Perry was never supposed to suspect me, so do I hate him for making me confess publically? If he had been anyone else I probably would resent him, but I can't completely _'hate'_ Perry – despite how much he frustrates me. He is still the same man he was all those years ago – the same idealistic man I fell in love with, but also the same idealistic man that I knew I couldn't change, and couldn't stay with forever.

We changed, or rather I changed. I wasn't as idealistic as he was – I traded that for ambition and practicality. I wanted to succeed and I had a lot to prove, and so I was prepared to cut corners: I became more cynical, and took risks, but the upstanding Perry Mason wouldn't do that. He was stubborn and would not compromise – whatever it cost him – and that was a cause of friction between us. If he had changed, if he could have been more flexible and realistic, we may have stayed together - but he didn't.

I had hoped that his dedication to this case was out of fondness for me – it was certainly not out of friendship for Glen – but I see now that his dedication was to the case and the truth.

I should have known that – I should have remembered how he would be. But instead I hoped he would make an exception in my case. I was wrong.

Why can't that man see that life is not always black and white – that there can be a blurring of the edges and the colours!

Some may say that I should be grateful to Perry for making me see 'the error of my ways' and that be sticking to his principles he could remind me of a time when I shared them...

Well actually, I'm not that ridiculously sentimental or pious! I'm realistic and I would have preferred him to stay true to the memory he had of me – of us – than to those rigid principles of his! They served Glen well, but not me.

As someone living _**in the real world**_ , I have to be grateful for small mercies. At least the Press will be reporting that Dixon's death was accidental – that should help me in my fight for survival.

How I wish none of this was necessary!

I can't ignore the challenges ahead for me, but I must confess that after Perry left me in court, an idle thought occurred to me. Now that this case is over, will 'poor Perry' be offered comfort in the arms of his ever-present and ever-faithful Della...?

I bet she can't wait...


End file.
